


i will not kiss you

by orphan_account



Category: IDubbbzTV - Fandom, Maxmoefoe - Fandom, The Filthy Frank Show (Web Series)
Genre: Alcoholism, Drug Use, Hallucinations, M/M, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-09 07:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8882041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Joji is not mentally stable. He knows this, his friends back in Osaka know this, his parents know this.The crew does not know this.And they can't.[HIATUS]





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> This was first posted on Wattpad, and as of 11-04-2017 has 1k reads.

**ian:** Hey, faggot  
 **ian:** Check the group chat, cunt, we're planning without you

Joji jumped as his phone vibrated, noting how its dimmed light cast shadows on the walls of his otherwise dark dorm room.

He didn't dare move his eyes from the corner, however.

He hadn't looked away for a good three minutes now. His eyes were beginning to dry up, and he was stiff from being in the same position for so long.

**max:** Hey, cunt, come plan with us

**chad:** [new voice message]  
 **chad:** fgt

**ian:** George?

Joji pulled in a rattling breath, wrapping his arms around his middle. His phone continued to vibrate, the movement against his wooden side-table causing a harsh noise that grated against his ears.

The figure in the corner shifted, its grotesque eyes never leaving Joji's. Just as Joji's never left its.

Suddenly, with one final hollow vibration there was a loud clatter and a dulled thud as Joji's phone fell to the floor. The Asian man jumped at the loud noise, looking over the side of his bed. His phone had landed screen-up, and now flooded the room in an artificial light.

However, upon performing this action, Joji immediately panicked. He whipped back around to stare at the corner, finding with a sudden bolt of fear that the shape was gone. He gasped, feeling a deep, cold dread wash over him, and he dove under his bed covers, gritting his teeth and clutching at his arms.

A dark cackle began to rattle around in his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hands darting to his ears, though it did little to block the sound out. He felt spidery, boneless fingers grasping at his ankles, and he curled in tighter on himself, breath coming out in short gasps.

Two minutes passed, though it felt like a lifetime. The hands retreated, first, then the cackling faded away. Joji was left curled up in the foetal position, panting and too terrified to move.

His phone began to buzz again, and the opening bars of Aruarian Dance began to play, indicating an incoming call.

Joji hesitantly began to move again, unfurling himself and stretching out under the covers. He moved a hand out, rubbing his palm against the cool sheets and sighing. He still felt on edge, and his whole body was tense.

The music faded, and then almost immediately started up again as whoever was trying to call him attempted to contact him once more. Joji allowed the gentle chords to wash over him, before he leaned down and picked up his phone.

_Incoming call from ian_

Joji denied the call, but quickly opened his and Ian's chat to type out an apology.

**ian:** Are you alright?  
 **ian:** You're usually awake this time of night  
 _Two missed calls from ian_

Joji bit his lip, and typed out an explanation, but his thumb paused over the send button. He frowned, a sudden shame flooding through him, and he deleted the text.

**joji:** what are you fucking gay?

The Asian man went back to Chad and Max's messages, replying in a similar fashion. After this, however, he switched his phone to night mode, and lay back in his bed.

He could still feel himself shaking, and there was a noticeable amount of sweat covering his body. The Asian sighed and rubbed his eyes, standing up and bringing his phone with him to the bathroom.

He turned the taps on the bathtub, making sure the water running out was hot, before playing Luv(sic) and beginning to strip.

It was cold in the bathroom, and he draped a towel around his shoulders as he waited for the bath to fill. He tried to take some deep breaths, willing himself to calm down.

It became apparent after his bath that getting back to sleep normally would be practically impossible. After some deliberation, he quickly got changed, and armed himself with his phone, some money, and a switchblade, deciding you could never be too careful.

He hit the streets, walking with purpose, but having no aim. The lights and sounds of the city were easily waking him up, however, welcoming him back to reality. He dropped around the apartment of a stoner he knew from college, who supplied him with some Xanax, and offered some gossip about his ex girlfriend, that Joji declined.

It was about 0330 when he finally arrived home, and he collapsed onto his bed. He took a swig of vodka and popped two Xanax, lying on top of his covers - coat, shoes, and all.

**ian:** You were here and then you went again  
 **ian:** Be honest with me, Jo  
 **joji:** you know i hate being called that   
**ian:** Don't change the subject   
**joji:** i'll tell you tomorrow if i remember   
**joji:** i just got some xannies  
 **ian:** :/  
 **ian:** Fine

Joji put his phone on charge, before rolling over and staring at the wall. He was already filled with a warm, sleepy feeling, and he felt a smile creep onto his face as his eyes drifted slightly shut.

"Baby," he sang, curling up, "Baby, she never speaks to me. Sorry - I never see you, I never see you, I never see you, I never see you, I never see you, anymore..."

Within seconds, he was snoring.


	2. 2.

It was about a half hour later that Joji regretted setting his alarm to such an early hour.

He rolled out of bed, deciding to switch out his creased tank top and coat for his 7-Eleven t-shirt and a flannel that was slightly too big for him. He rubbed his face, and shoved his phone in his back pocket, along with his money.

He took a bus to the middle of nowhere, buying some vodka and a packet of cookies from a corner store. It was still early, and the newborn sunrise warmed his cheeks as he sat beneath a large tree at the edge of a small town. The closest house had an open WiFi connection, and he accessed it and went to check his messages.

**ian:** Are you going to tell me what happened now?  
 **joji:** nothing  
 **joji:** i just went out  
 **ian:** I really don't believe you

Joji sighed, leaning back and hitting his head against the tree. He took a swig of vodka, only slightly ashamed to be drinking so early in the morning.

**ian:** Well...we'll talk about it later  
 **joji:** gee sounds great dad

His phone continued to buzz, but he didn't really feel interested in talking. He took the bus back to the city, and made the trek back to his dorm room.

Once he got in, he changed into his Frank outfit and started to set up his camera, deciding a video would be a good way to get his mind off his current issues.

"こんにちわ, you fucks, and welcome to Japanese 101," he began, easily slipping into Frank's rough voice, "today I'm going to teach you a really common, useful phrase, '私はAV女優になりたい!'"

Joji grinned sleazily at the camera, picking up a pen and writing out the phrase on a piece of paper on the wall, then turning back around.

"Now, this phrase would mean in English 'I want to be an AV actress'. What does AV mean? Excellent question!"

Joji leaned in closer to the camera, pulling a perverted face, "An AV is an adult video. 'AV女優' means 'adult video actress', or 'adult video idol'."

Joji paused for a second, considering what to delve into next, when a movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

He turned, and tensed immediately. It was the same creature that had been in his room last night. Its twisted black body was clinging to the top right corner of his room, above his bed, and its head was twisted 180°. Where its eyes should be, there was just gore, and there was puke staining its chin.

**お母さん:** 丈二? 大丈夫ですか？

His breath was caught in his throat. He hadn't had a proper glimpse of this particular hallucination yet, having only encountered it at night so far.

"No," he whimpered, stumbling backwards, "you were just a stupid joke!"

The creature crawled closer, and Joji yelped, shooting back against the door. The handle jammed harshly into his back, and he screamed an audible curse as pain flooded into that particular area.

He looked up, his breathing laboured, and found Chin-Chin's gore staring into him. He felt puke crawling up his throat, and he covered his mouth in an attempt to hold it in.

Chin-Chin smiled a gummy, toothless smile.

**お母さん:** 丈二?

**ian:** Jo, stop ignoring me

"Oh my fucking God," he whispered, getting low down on the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut, and hugged himself, at a loss of to do, "Oh my God. Oh my God..."

His phone was on the table next to his door, and as it vibrated again he reached up and managed to grab it.

He ignored Ian for the first while, focusing on his mother.

**joji:** いいえ  
 **お母さん:** 大丈夫ですか？  
 **joji:** 彼らが戻ってきました

He could see Chin-Chin roaming around the room from over the top of his phone, and he felt the puke remaining in his throat.

**ian:** So, the boys and I were talking about coming over to my place to film a few videos. Are you in?  
 **ian:** The info is in the group chat  
 **ian:** ...Are you ignoring me again?   
**joji:** いいえ  
 **joji:** no*  
 **ian:** Are you okay, dude?  
 **ian:** You've been acting really strange  
 **joji:** fine  
 **joji:** i want to see you

Chin-Chin was now on his bed, dripping puke and gore. Joji resolved to burn his sheets.

**ian:** What are you fucking gay?  
 **joji:** sorry

He pressed his hands over his eyes and inhaled sharply, feeling nausea and terror tear through him as he shook. He moved his hands around himself again, and looked up to find himself staring straight into Chin-Chin's gore.

He screamed, pushing himself into the door and grappling for the handle. He feel backwards through the door, slamming it behind him. He stumbled into the communal bathroom, falling into a stall and trying to take deep breaths. He felt exposed, unsafe in here, but it was definitely better than his dorm room.

**ian:** You're really concerning me, dude  
 **joji:** sorry  
 **joji:** when do you want us come  
 **joji:** to come*  
 **ian:** I was thinking Friday, but you can come sooner if you want to  
 **joji:** i will be sooner  
 **joji:** wednesday?  
 **ian:** Sure  
 **ian:** Are you high?  
 **joji:** no  
 **ian:** Are you drunk?  
 **joji:** no  
 **ian:** ...Anything else?  
 **joji:** don't worry about me

The Asian groaned, standing up and exiting the stall. He bent down to splash water on his face, but as he looked up into the mirror, he saw Pink Guy sitting in the stall he just exited.

His breath hitched, and he dashed back to his dorm, changing out of his Frank outfit and just putting on a pair of sweatpants, before sitting with his back resting on his bed.

He took out his laptop, searching for flights to California. The soonest one was at 2300 on Tuesday. He shut his laptop with a sigh, resting his head back on the bed. 30 hours. 30 more hours alone.

He could do this.


	3. 3.

After booking his flight, Joji had immediately began packing. Clothes, chargers, and cameras all went in, but when he got to his characters' costumes, he paused.

Chin-Chin's he threw deep into his cupboard, covering it with a box of old wires. Frank he packed up easily, but when it came to Pink Guy, his hand stayed. In his mind's eye, he saw Pink Guy sitting in the toilet stall. Unblinking eyes. Inhuman expression.

He shivered, and decided to pretend he'd forgotten it.

He checked the time on his phone, and balked. Grabbing his now full bags, he shouldered the door open and hastily locked it behind him.

He speed-walked down the stairs, having had enough awkward encounters in the lifts to know to avoid them. He spied his taxi about to leave through the glass front doors, and sprinted the rest of the way, screaming at the driver to stop.

Luckily, he did, however the half-Asian man garnered quite a bit of attention for himself, and he squirrelled himself and his bags away into the taxi as soon as he could, feeling incredibly embarrassed by the eyes on him.

Inwardly, he cursed. If he couldn't handle a couple of people staring, how would he be able to handle filming with his boys? He pulled his arms tight around himself, a pained expression on his face. He couldn't believe it was coming back. The hallucinations, the paranoia, the anxiety...

The taxi driver cleared his throat, making Joji jump quite visibly. He sighed, leaning back in his seat, and pulling out his phone. He was close to his destination, but already he was starting to feel pretty shitty.

He turned on his mobile data, cringing as his phone buzzed incessantly with notifications flooding in. He cleared everything, electing only to check his messages.

**ian:** Chad, Max, and Basic won't be coming until Friday, so we can film some bullshit or just fuck around until they arrive  
 **joji:** ok  
 **joji:** i've been trying to do a japanese 101  
 **ian:** We can do one of those, dude

"We're here," the cab driver said, and Joji looked up, stuffing his phone in his pocket.

"How much do I owe you?" the YouTuber asked, pulling his suitcase out of the boot.

"$40, but I'll make it $80 for a chink like you."

Joji paused, looking at the driver in a sudden shock, who was looking completely unaffected by what he'd just said.

"I'm...sorry?" Joji stuttered, standing up straight.

"Double fare for chinks," he repeated, his expression completely unchanged.

"I'm...Japanese," Joji stuttered, "and, uh, half Australian, so..."

"So, a Jap?" the driver asked, "that's $60, then."

"I - what?"

"What, don't you speak English? Just fucking pay."

Keen to avoid a conflict at this point in time, Joji begrudgingly forked over $60 and headed inside the hotel.

**ian:** I've been thinking of doing a Content Cop on vloggers. Casey Neistat, Dan  & Phil...maybe throw Max in there for a meme.  
 **joji:** you vlog too, though

Joji walked up to the reception desk, and signed in without any hassle. The man at the reception desk had been painting his nails matte black and clearly did not want to be there. The YouTuber had caught the receptionist looking him up and down appreciatively, and he cringed slightly, rejecting the idea of being with someone almost violently. Not while he felt like this.

Joji dragged his bags up the stairs, if only to kill time. With the silence, however, he found himself beginning to fear seeing the rest of the crew in the coming week. He couldn't decide whether them noticing something was wrong, or not noticing, would be worse. He thought of Ian, thought of him wanting to talk. His breath hitched slightly, and bit his lip.

Finally reaching his room, he struggled with the key card but managed to open the door. He dragged his bags in and unceremoniously dropped them down by the foot of his bed.

Collapsing onto the covers, he dragged his hands over his face, and groaned. Of course he'd had to deal with racist cunts today. He considered calling it a night there and then, but he heard his phone buzzing from his pocket.

**ian:** Maybe that can be the meme. We can do a section where you're doing a bootleg Content Cop on me.  
 **joji:** that sounds good, yh  
 **ian:** So, we'll do a Japanese 101 and a Content Cop while we wait for Basic, Max and Chad?  
 **joji:**   yeah  
 **joji:** maybe we could bring them in on the cc  
 **ian:** That might be a good idea, actually

Joji dropped his phone to his side, tired of the conversation but unsure why. He dimly noted a rhythmic thumping a muffled moans from the room beside his, and he grimaced, curling onto his side.

He traced the veins in his right wrist with his eyes, slightly enthralled by the way his hand was lit in the dingy hotel light.

Then he frowned, and called himself a faggot.

**ian:** Anyway  
 **ian:** Not to be gay or anything, but how are you?

Joji rolled over and read the notifications, grimacing. He really didn't want to talk right now.

Instead of answering, he stood up and walked to the bathroom, deciding a shower would help calm him down.

Turning on the shower and stripping, he yawned as he entered the cubicle. His eyes scrunched up with it, and stretched his arms above his head.

Opening his eyes, however, revealed huge swathes of blood oozing down the walls.

He stifled a scream, slipping and grabbing onto the handrail to try and keep himself from falling. His fleet slipped against the surface of the bathtub, his ankles skidding across the floor, and it burned.

He groaned in pain, pulling himself up and stumbling out of the tub, dropping to the floor. He sniffled, embarrassed and afraid. He heard feet shuffling against the floor, heard his own voice distorted into two distinct characters. He opened his eyes and saw blood, saw puke, saw Chin-Chin and Pink Guy.

He let himself cry, curling in on himself and gripping his head with his hands. Feeling his still-wet hair slide through his fingers.

It felt like hours, and probably was, until Joji finally opened his eyes. He was dried out and freezing, the shower still going strong behind him.

He pulled himself up, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. His shoulders were aching from the strange position, and his legs felt weak, almost like jelly.

Joji turned the shower off, and pulled a towel around himself, walking into the room. The sun had apparently long since gone down, and moonlight shone through a gap in the curtains, highlighting the bed.

He changed into sweatpants and a hoodie, sliding under the covers. His phone clattered onto the floor and he sighed, gingerly reaching out from under the covers and picking it up.

**ian:** ...So you won't even answer that?  
 **ian:** Okay.  
 **ian:** Basic says he might come a bit earlier than Max and Chad.

**赤:** おっす  
 **joji:** 助けてください

Joji stared at Ian's messages for a long time, feeling quite embarrassed but wanting his friend's comfort. Eventually, he bit his lip and tapped out a response.

**joji:** sorry   
**joji:** something came up and i needed time out for a while  
 **joji:** i'm not great at the moment, maybe we can talk when i see you

With this done, Joji placed his phone on the side table, curled up slightly, and fell asleep.


	4. Update

Hi, everyone!

Thank you very much for the interest in this story. I was very surprised at how well it was received here, and on Wattpad.

Unfortunately, I’ve decided I will not be finishing this work. I’m not as heavily into the CC fandom anymore, and I’m not as into shipping real people as I was before.

Nonetheless, using this fanfics’s universe to vent was incredibly helpful to me, and I want to thank everyone who enjoyed this story for the kind comments you left.

Remember - just because I closed the book, doesn’t mean the story is over. Feel free to continue this story by yourself, just link back to this one!

Thanks for all the support,

Cody


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